GODDAMN IT'S 4 IN THE MORN...

something is the matter with me. here goes another entry at almost 4 in the morning. and i didn't even drink green tea! why o why am i even on this?

it occurred to me that we have a shared blog. and i thought, wait a minute, i need to update this shit. it's been so embarassingly long since i posted anything that i had to scan my brain for the name of our blog! oooh yeah, the sunsetdiaries. well, here i am.

god, shan, i am so annoyed. and second, i find it a peculiar pleasure in knowing that you are just footsteps away from me. it warms my heart and soul to know that the first face i will be seeing tomorrow morning is yours. i heart you so much sister.

i'm irritated at my brother. another fuckin fight- woopty doo. i'll tell you about it in the morn. AFTER church. speaking of which, i'm really glad we're going. thanks mama. :)

so i think i should be gettin to bed soon. i wanted to tell you that you're looking more fabulous by the day. and that this year has been blissed out, soaked fully with your amber, phospherecent (those toes you know!), radiant glow. MUAH.

j

SOW...

...DAJEEZ!
Hey girl! How is it being back in Cali? It is freakin freezing up here! My tan is fading by the second! It is really weird being here and not being with you too! After spending hours and days together...but i will see you soon my love!

Just wanted to give you some sugar meu amor!
Beijinhos...

WHOA NELLY!

hee hee. call me, so we can party.

sweetie- i haven't even TOUCHED my paper tonight.

i'm pitiful.

P.S.

Psst...do you like the color change? I know it's not really sunset-ty persay but maybe if you were in an evergreen forest watching the sunset, then....although to say that you are in an evergreen forest kind of implies that you wouldn't really be near enough to the coast to see a sunset (at least a good one), and even if you were I am guessing that all the trees in this hypothetical evergreen forest would be blocking your view. But that is assuming that you are standing in the middle of the forest...

Augh! Whatever! You see?? If I applied this much brain energy to my term papers I would have been done a month ago!

K, bye again. I can't stop talking to you even when you're not talking back. Ha!

*smooches*

P.P.S. Beverly just told me that Steven sent an email saying we have until 10am on Friday to turn in our papers!! So....you wanna go out tonight or what?

Chato!

Damn, grrrrrrrrrrl. I am sitting on the computer at school trying to type this damn paper, and just wanted to say hi. Miss ya. It's raining and making me depressed. Not to mention that all day I have been dead fuckin tired and thinking about my Romeo. Those pesky saudades...

Shit. I kinda want spaghetti, but I am too lazy to walk over to your house. Even though I know a mountain awaits me...ohhh mama! I wish I lived in the would of Star Trek where I could tell the thingie what to make for me and it would just appear. Or that transporter thing would be really handy right now. I think we should invent one.

Can you believe we are leaving already? I feel like we just got here. I remember seeing you for the first time in Hotel Tropical, where we are also having our muito triste goodbye lunch, and how excited we were that we were here! In Brazil! We were constantly rattling off all the things we were going to do, all the places that we would go, saying "oh, you know, no rush, we've got three months!" And now look...

Not to say we didn't do anything, because honestly I have no regrets. J, I had the time of my life here. And I will have the time of my life again when we come back and rent a phatty apartment on the water here and live it up for a couple months!! Yaddddaaadiggg??? It really is crazy how fast time flies though. And even though everyone is stressed and worked to the bone (ok, seriously, hard-ly...) and complainy (don't you think that should be a word?), I refuse to subscribe to that shitty "everything sucks and I am so ready to get the fuck out of Brazil I'm already packed and I won't ever have saudades for this place" attitude. Cause as much as I like to bitch, I don't do it because everyone else does it, and I definitely don't do it if it's not truth. I'm ending shit on a good note! It just saddens me that people are ready to let one email ruin their entire experience, or are only able to remember the shitty times and not those days and nights we laughed, danced, took pics, went to the beach....I mean, come on!!! Were we not the envy of everyone back home for three months? Damn, sometimes we just don't know how good we have it.

Oooops!!! Was I just bitching? Bitching about bitching, that's a good one. Well, I miss you hon and I hope your paper is coming along better than mine (or are you watching a movie???). Talky to you really soon, otay?

Paz a fora,
Shannie

AIMLESS MEANDERINGS, I SUPPOSE...

...sorry to shift gears, but just thought i might share.... I just wrote this:

************************************************************************************
Everything feels so strange at the moment. Maybe it's cuz I'm alone- there's something about being alone that puts you in a different mood, the silence can be deafening- but I felt compelled tonight to climb into a pair of socks and pull out the journal.

I've been sensing God's presence with me a bit more acutely these past few days. Could be that He's checking in with me, making sure that I'm all right... I was so insanely sad the other day. I can't remember feeling that melancholy... It's a strange version of loneliness, one that almost doesn't have a prescription. It's an idling of the soul, a restlessness of the spirit. The buzz of inactivity, boredom. A flutter of nerves, a crawl in the stomach... An eternity of sighs and mindless quandries. A sense of impending doom, a breathlessness, a dry heave, an indelible quench, a wet thirst, an aching paralysis...

I remember just staring at the wall and going out of my mind. As tears slipped down my cheeks I pulled out a mirror, probing deeply into my sad eyes... Why is it that we connect to God only in our pain? He's been whispering to me lately. Told me where Isa's glasses were, whispered my presentation into my ear today, told me what to study for on the test... Sometimes I'll stop, give pause to the wind that has just tousled my hair, the dewdrop that has slid past my cheek, and I become so acutely aware that I AM BEING WATCHED.

Maybe God heard me call out to Him the other day. I asked for a hug. I missed being touched- really touched. HELD. SQUEEZED.

I gave my presentation today in class. It went well. Mattie said that it was "impressive." No one else said anything, but that more than sufficed. Took my culture course final. Did barely above adequate, but couldn't have bombed it. I surrender it.

Life is moving. It's so undeterministic that it scares me at times, the unpredictability of it all, nonetheless, it clinks onwards. I'm contemplative. Treading. Learning. Digging into myself where I see fit.

I am the composer of my life. My life is my soundtrack. Lovely, yes?

I want to close my eyes and cull sleep, but my eyelashes keep fluttering --

--I suppose it's better that way...

**********************************************************************************

miss ya, shan. good luck studying :)

I'M OUT OF IDEAS FOR TITLES.

oooooi lady. que pasa querida? haha. man, i really need to be studying right now, but your easy breezy atttitude is getting to me. i think you going out with romeo is like a good luck ritual. i mean, c'mon, look what happened last time- you went out all weekend and pulled off like the best grade in the class! Dzammmm!! mama got skills.

haha, you in class today: "FREAK, how do you know that??" I'm going, "FREAK, how do you do that?" Hey, yo, forealz, thanks for the mani/pedi. it not only brightened my day, it brightened my dead, depressing of a weekend! i love how we find the time to just chill. you're such a bud, dude. "J, feel like goin to class? "NAH." haha. "Shan, feel like going to the final review?" "hmm, we'll see!"
oh man, it's sort of a wonder that we're berkeley students. c'mon we're just so damn fly.

seriously. yo. we need to get jobs together. oh wait, that might not be such a good idea. "hey, shan, wanna go to work today?" Shan: "nahhhh, let's go get fraps instead." haha. maybe we need baller husbands, so that we can be like those sexy and the city gals and just sit and gab all day about sex. and the green peace. and body mortification. and quantum physics. and hot boys. and how people in the 21st century are more disconnected than ever. and dissecting films. and eat and drink and then go work it all off. let's hope that technology will one day invent a device that burns off the calories FOR us. you know, there was once an infomerical about the "AB BELT"- it massages your stomach, kinda like pseudo crunches. the thing had me convinced that this gadget would trick my body into thinking it was doing actual crunches (minus the sweat, of course). haha, i almost bought it. almost.

you know, the more i look at my toenails, the more i think it's taking on a ketchup red. it went from cherry to apple ... to ketchup. or catsup, is that better? yeah, it kinda looks like bloody ketchup. haha, that one lady who always cuts me open- i should just have her paint my nails kethcup red. no one would notice the blood seeping out the sides of my nails! gosh. (said like napoleon dynamite)

my mom doesn't think we're having lunch tomorrow. she knows you're going out with romeo tonight and she doesn't have faith you're coming here tomorrow to help me cook. you better come, k!? haha, i'm kinda tempted to order take-out, throw it on the table, and pretend that i actually made it. VOILA Isa, ASIAN FOOD! haha, she'd never notice. remember? she's never had comida asiana. haha, watch me be one of those wives who picks up food from the gourmet section of whole foods, puts it on a plate, feeds my husband, and pretends that i've slaved away in the kitchen for the past 2 hours!

all rightie, sweetie. i need to do some work. i heart ya.

nini

Yeah, I REALLY Have Been On The Computer All Day

Ok, except for when I slept through class!

I am missing a certain wooden floor in my life right now...I realized today I didn't get my daily dose of inspiring convo and chillaxin after eating Isa's tasty treats! And I also realized that you don't have any more minutes after I had already texted you. Boo.

So, yesterday was Brazil's Valentine's, and of course I saw my honey. I wore red lipstick and within 10 minutes it was off my lips, but all over his (not to mention the surrounding areas of my mouth, which Lilia neglected to point out until way later...I was like, you want me to look like a clown??) ; man, I thought that shit was "Colorstay!" Don't believe the hype, J.

Anyhoo, I printed out a cute picture of us in black and white, coupled it with a red frame, and was good to go! However once we met up I started feeling dumb and didn't want to give it to him. That feeling was probably intensified by the fact that Lilia gave her man this entire book full of pictures and commentary, and they were all showing it off. She 3-upped me on that one; however that's not really my stilo...but I finally gave it to him (after I lugged it around Pelorinho with me, and Lilia wrenched it out of my hands) and he loved it. He told me later he almost cried when he saw it. Isn't that like the fuckin cutest thing you've ever heard??

So, last night was good....drank, smoked (actually had good weed this time!!), and...well, you know. Needless to say, I slept an insufficient amount. Definitely not enough sleep to be conducive to trying to decipher what our history teacher says! Oh, well. What's one day? Or...is it like 4 now? Ahh, who's counting?

I hope your day was good! It feels like forever huh?
See you tomorrow, I am about to pass out on this here keyboard. I doubt my brother would like that. Or maybe he would, who the hell knows?

Love (and miss) you!
Beijos dollface

My boobs no longer stick out over my barriga.

sorry luv, i wasn't gonna update so soon! but i was strolling along, thinking, daymn, shannon prolly still has not put anything up so i'm about to shake up this stale ass site. and you know what? surprise, surprise. oh, how i love thee.
haha, good laughs. i love how you make me laugh- you know you hella do? god, here's a confession: i'ts REALLY hard to make me laugh. you know how i show disappointment (i.e.when Isa whips out the puree for my birthday) like really visually? likewise, i can't fake smile. i just can't. nor can i fake laugh- it sounds more like a whimper. so when i see you, with this big, hearty ass laugh, i am envious. my point is- you make me laugh. FOREALS. i'm always smiling around you, in fact.

oooohhh lawdy- so much for our diet! what is the matter with us!? we need someone like candace to whip us into shape. it's all isa's fault- everyday you come over do you notice a new dessert on the table? i swear, she measures how good of a time i've had in brasil by how many pounds i gain. these cocacola LITE's and "lowfat" cakes are not doing it ma! haha, but you already knew that.
and haha, yeah, she prolly does think you don't get fed. either that or she thinks you have a hypo-glycemic problem the way you're always outstretched on the damn hardword floor, a small pool of food left on your abandoned plate- she's like wtf is this girl ON? haha, isa. titter titter, i'm sure she thinks many things. probably one being that i don't have any other friends. haha. "oh, it's SHANNON here again?" i'm jk. haha, she asks me about dannilo everyday goshdammit. i should just tell her i'm a lesbo. haha. and tht "yeah, shan loved the red p.j.'s"

ok, well i need to go study now. i've just wasted the last hour on looking at god knows what. thanks for posting up what we talked about- i just found that combination of body modification, disconnectivity in the modern age of globalism and whywearesuchfatpigs really enlightening, if not amusing. such brilliance- "damn, why are we so fly?"

well. i luv you. (but of course, you already knew that :))
~nini

XY

That's us. The baddest members of the XY Gen. We will write all about it in our future, Pulitzer Prize-winning book. Here we are, in your living room (I, laying on the floor, surprise, surprise, and you are sitting on the couch, writing your paper), just two Berkeley girls in Brazil, currently talking about body modification, being PC, and how during the "communication age" we are more divided than ever. How I enjoy these convos, I must say. And you're right, there aren't many people who would be responsive enough to carry on a discussion of this nature. The worst (or best...) part of that is, that these conversations, are our normal everyday adventures into mind expansion. Yeah, it's pretty much the norm here in Iza's living room. Oh the things we learn from each other. And how I wish there were more people in the world like you (although no one would compare!).

Well, ma, your battery is about to die because I have been on your computer the entire night. I have been at your house the entire night. Iza, Carol, and Dalva must think my mae doesn't feed me...uhhh, by the way, thanks for dinner. My barriga is getting bigger everyday! Me and my belly are a good team.

Beijos my love. I will now exit your apartemento and vai to my own abode to study...or something to that effect.

Boa noite! See you tomorrow!
(right now you are talking about how you are going to build your kitchen on the fourth floor of your future house so that you won't have such easy access to it...and now you are talking about why you don't like cookies and chips...haha!!)

love,
S

Totally tubular.

Hi honey bunny.
Missed ya today. Went to the beach and got gorgeous sun!! Jeaninie is at least 2 shades darker and muito feliz. It was me, Candace and Sade, and then Eryn joined us later. We took sexy pictures on the beach. Will post a photo para voce cuando eu tenho tempo (and fotos-they're on Sade's camera). We went to go eat at this little cafe across the street and bumped into Chau and her new *ahem* BF. Yeah, this totally cute little Japanese guy. I was quite impressed, they were definitely into each other and stole off shortly. And of course, there was Kathlena, Sharon and Lilia. Didn't even say hi.
Sade and Candace kept checking out cocks today. Like every guy we passed they'd be like oooh, girl, did you see his package!?? And this one guy named Taj who's from NY but got his grad degree at Cal, well, he was Candace's former GSI, and he happens to be here for this conference. We saw him at the beach and Candace was like, "his dick is long." I was like who checks out schlongs! Candace and Sade apparently. Candace goes, "I admit it- I'm a perve." Hahaha. ohh man.
We switched up beaches afterwards, you know the one that's totally crowded? But it was fun- packed as hell, but there's a lot more going on. The sun is stronger, and the waves were totally tubular dude. It was hilarious as the tide kept pulling in; we kept jumping up and screaming!
Now I'm back home, hit up the bolo (just a tad slice ma'am). haha, you ate more bolo when you went home last nite? like at 2 am!? oooooh girl! I'm proud of you for getting up tho. I, uhhh..well, I was too busy uploading videos onto facebook- as you can see. I woke this morning at 9 and went DOH! haha, or something like that. I'm very proud of you, miss. Well done.
Ok, well have fun with your bebe. Holding his hand as he winces in excruciating pain-OW! I hope you snapped a photo or two. Love ya mama, talk to you soon. tchao.

nini

Oooh It's Saturday!

And it is a freakin gorgeous day..

So after I enjoyed some of Dalva's deelish bolo chocolate (yes, folks the exact cake in the pictures!!) I came home and ate some of the chocolate cake my own chef-mom had created. That shit was damn good. And damn bad. But I rationalized like I do with everything I do that is bad for me... I would post a picture of my gut the day after eating hella bolos but you already have a good idea of what it looks like, after we spent many a good hour analyzing it yesterday, while I lay sprawled on your living room, which has the comfy-ist floor ever.

BTW, yes I went running today, and if you're wondering, no, I didn't see you there. But I still love you anyway.

Now I am off to see my Origami get tatted. I will ligar you later dude.

*smooch*
*ass grab*

Bolo chocolate...

that was a sweet jump off, miss. OH SHAN!! i called you at your house and your momma started talking senseless jibber jabber. i was caught in a mouth gridlock- now i get what you're talking about! it's 7 o'clock and shannon esta dormindo! que perguicoso!! haha, it's cool, i just woke up from like a 4 hour nap myself and now there's this fat chocolate cake staring back at my face...uhhh, for confirmation, here:

oooooh, girl!!!!

going in for the kill...

ooh, shit, getting caught red-handed!!

haha. oh mama. what am i going to do with this cake and no shannon? you need to come over here and eat it with me!
skype is soooo cool. i'm talking to my daddy via skype right now. FOR FREE. tell your friends and family to get it. haha, i sound like such an ad, seriously.
girl! i'm wasting my life away on the internet....... ju know wut i mean? i need to go out and get some oxygen. here's a few more pix:

haha, you were pretty much DRUNK AS FUCK right here.

and awww, isn't that cute!?

Yeah, well, you better get your punk ass up and come over soon and help me study. I luv you study buddy, my slizzy lizzzy. be well. SONHOS DOCES, ma.

j

Kick Off!

finally! my good eyebrow side.

the view that started it all

why are we hella fly, yo?

Just had some free time (well..I should be studying, but what can I say? I'm easily distracted), so I thought I would jumpstart The Sunset Diaries: Jeanine and Shannon's tribute to...ummm, themselves? Among other lovely things, you know...

Seriously though, I will never forget our time in Brazil together Jeaninee. Coming over to your house, eating your chef mom's delicious food, passing out on your balconey or your floor after consuming too much food, talking smack, or just talking...bout life, love, and how extremely lucky we are. Not only to be in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, but to be here together, growing, learning, and just being.


Love you hon.

a confession of sorts.

Dearest Shannon,

We decided to start this blog in dedication of the days and nights we have spent together discovering Brazil. Many a sunset we have watched from my balconette, duelving into the many facets of life, conjuring up sweet memories while recreating new ones. Hence, this journal is our tribute to Brasil, life, and amor doce. I just want to say that I love ya mama.

On that note, I think it's about time we came out to the world... There is a secret I have been harboring for you, darling. In the time that we have gotten to know each other, I don't think that we can deny the chemistry we have. I..uhhh.. well, I think you feel how I feel, and I don't think we should cover it up anymore. So world, Shannon- I'm coming out, to declare my unequivocal love. I pretty much have the hots for you, lady. Yeah... so that's it. -nini