HOLY SHIBANG!!!!!!!!!

SIS! what's good lady. wow, it's been too long since i been up on this. but i miss you, and i find it so necessary to give you a quick update. and i know you're not into the social networking thing (myspace, facebook blah blah) but maybe you'll tune your radio dial onto this every once in a while. it'll be like checking the news, except you're getting the dailies from...moi.

i miss you like macaroni misses cheese, because frankly, you've been a big part of my life and it's not the same not being in cali and having you over the damn bridge...miles and miles are wedged between us, but it's coo. cuz see, cyberspace makes you feel like you're so intimately connected, literally just a fingersnap away.

so for starters, this is just a hello. i'll give you updates lates. because brunch is beckoning to me and doors open in 9 minutes. my grumbling stomach says helloo...

smooches.

j9

GODDAMN IT'S 4 IN THE MORN...

something is the matter with me. here goes another entry at almost 4 in the morning. and i didn't even drink green tea! why o why am i even on this?

it occurred to me that we have a shared blog. and i thought, wait a minute, i need to update this shit. it's been so embarassingly long since i posted anything that i had to scan my brain for the name of our blog! oooh yeah, the sunsetdiaries. well, here i am.

god, shan, i am so annoyed. and second, i find it a peculiar pleasure in knowing that you are just footsteps away from me. it warms my heart and soul to know that the first face i will be seeing tomorrow morning is yours. i heart you so much sister.

i'm irritated at my brother. another fuckin fight- woopty doo. i'll tell you about it in the morn. AFTER church. speaking of which, i'm really glad we're going. thanks mama. :)

so i think i should be gettin to bed soon. i wanted to tell you that you're looking more fabulous by the day. and that this year has been blissed out, soaked fully with your amber, phospherecent (those toes you know!), radiant glow. MUAH.

j

SOW...

...DAJEEZ!
Hey girl! How is it being back in Cali? It is freakin freezing up here! My tan is fading by the second! It is really weird being here and not being with you too! After spending hours and days together...but i will see you soon my love!

Just wanted to give you some sugar meu amor!
Beijinhos...

WHOA NELLY!

hee hee. call me, so we can party.

sweetie- i haven't even TOUCHED my paper tonight.

i'm pitiful.

P.S.

Psst...do you like the color change? I know it's not really sunset-ty persay but maybe if you were in an evergreen forest watching the sunset, then....although to say that you are in an evergreen forest kind of implies that you wouldn't really be near enough to the coast to see a sunset (at least a good one), and even if you were I am guessing that all the trees in this hypothetical evergreen forest would be blocking your view. But that is assuming that you are standing in the middle of the forest...

Augh! Whatever! You see?? If I applied this much brain energy to my term papers I would have been done a month ago!

K, bye again. I can't stop talking to you even when you're not talking back. Ha!

*smooches*

P.P.S. Beverly just told me that Steven sent an email saying we have until 10am on Friday to turn in our papers!! So....you wanna go out tonight or what?

Chato!

Damn, grrrrrrrrrrl. I am sitting on the computer at school trying to type this damn paper, and just wanted to say hi. Miss ya. It's raining and making me depressed. Not to mention that all day I have been dead fuckin tired and thinking about my Romeo. Those pesky saudades...

Shit. I kinda want spaghetti, but I am too lazy to walk over to your house. Even though I know a mountain awaits me...ohhh mama! I wish I lived in the would of Star Trek where I could tell the thingie what to make for me and it would just appear. Or that transporter thing would be really handy right now. I think we should invent one.

Can you believe we are leaving already? I feel like we just got here. I remember seeing you for the first time in Hotel Tropical, where we are also having our muito triste goodbye lunch, and how excited we were that we were here! In Brazil! We were constantly rattling off all the things we were going to do, all the places that we would go, saying "oh, you know, no rush, we've got three months!" And now look...

Not to say we didn't do anything, because honestly I have no regrets. J, I had the time of my life here. And I will have the time of my life again when we come back and rent a phatty apartment on the water here and live it up for a couple months!! Yaddddaaadiggg??? It really is crazy how fast time flies though. And even though everyone is stressed and worked to the bone (ok, seriously, hard-ly...) and complainy (don't you think that should be a word?), I refuse to subscribe to that shitty "everything sucks and I am so ready to get the fuck out of Brazil I'm already packed and I won't ever have saudades for this place" attitude. Cause as much as I like to bitch, I don't do it because everyone else does it, and I definitely don't do it if it's not truth. I'm ending shit on a good note! It just saddens me that people are ready to let one email ruin their entire experience, or are only able to remember the shitty times and not those days and nights we laughed, danced, took pics, went to the beach....I mean, come on!!! Were we not the envy of everyone back home for three months? Damn, sometimes we just don't know how good we have it.

Oooops!!! Was I just bitching? Bitching about bitching, that's a good one. Well, I miss you hon and I hope your paper is coming along better than mine (or are you watching a movie???). Talky to you really soon, otay?

Paz a fora,
Shannie

AIMLESS MEANDERINGS, I SUPPOSE...

...sorry to shift gears, but just thought i might share.... I just wrote this:

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Everything feels so strange at the moment. Maybe it's cuz I'm alone- there's something about being alone that puts you in a different mood, the silence can be deafening- but I felt compelled tonight to climb into a pair of socks and pull out the journal.

I've been sensing God's presence with me a bit more acutely these past few days. Could be that He's checking in with me, making sure that I'm all right... I was so insanely sad the other day. I can't remember feeling that melancholy... It's a strange version of loneliness, one that almost doesn't have a prescription. It's an idling of the soul, a restlessness of the spirit. The buzz of inactivity, boredom. A flutter of nerves, a crawl in the stomach... An eternity of sighs and mindless quandries. A sense of impending doom, a breathlessness, a dry heave, an indelible quench, a wet thirst, an aching paralysis...

I remember just staring at the wall and going out of my mind. As tears slipped down my cheeks I pulled out a mirror, probing deeply into my sad eyes... Why is it that we connect to God only in our pain? He's been whispering to me lately. Told me where Isa's glasses were, whispered my presentation into my ear today, told me what to study for on the test... Sometimes I'll stop, give pause to the wind that has just tousled my hair, the dewdrop that has slid past my cheek, and I become so acutely aware that I AM BEING WATCHED.

Maybe God heard me call out to Him the other day. I asked for a hug. I missed being touched- really touched. HELD. SQUEEZED.

I gave my presentation today in class. It went well. Mattie said that it was "impressive." No one else said anything, but that more than sufficed. Took my culture course final. Did barely above adequate, but couldn't have bombed it. I surrender it.

Life is moving. It's so undeterministic that it scares me at times, the unpredictability of it all, nonetheless, it clinks onwards. I'm contemplative. Treading. Learning. Digging into myself where I see fit.

I am the composer of my life. My life is my soundtrack. Lovely, yes?

I want to close my eyes and cull sleep, but my eyelashes keep fluttering --

--I suppose it's better that way...

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miss ya, shan. good luck studying :)